Because he was colicky we often would rock and carry him and sing to him until he fell asleep. This worked for us just fine when he was little, but he gained weight rather quickly and it got difficult to carry him around so much. At several points during his lifetime we tried different approaches to getting him to fall asleep. We tried letting him cry it out and that totally backfired. Rather than calming down and falling asleep he would just get more and more worked up. Each time I would go in there to sooth him he would get more angry that I wasn't picking him up.
So I decided that I liked the more "attached" style where you do whatever you can to make them feel soothed, comforted, and secure enough to fall asleep. He actually got to the point where Luke could sing him one song while rocking with him and then lay him down and leave and he'd go to sleep. This was wonderful, this is what we wanted. And then he got sick, and was teething all at the same time. That ruined everything. We started carrying him again to help him feel better and he decided that he liked that much better than going to sleep on his own.
So we were stuck again. And by now he was over 25lbs. So we thought that we'd move him into the big-boy bed and we could just lay down next to him until he fell asleep. He did great in the bed. He slept so well!!! He never "woke up" in the middle of the night before, but I would hear him toss and turn and grumble a lot. Now there was no grumbling. It was also nice because we didn't have to hold him for hours like we did before (unless of course he was really upset). The problem with this, however, is that it would take him an hour or more to fall asleep. He would roll, sit up, talk, say he had to go potty, lay on top of mom or dad, play with his toys, play with the curtains, play with his feet. He would basically do whatever he could to keep himself from falling asleep. And then he would be so over tired and cranky that he would want to be carried. I could tolerate this, if it didn't waste an hour or more of my time every day.
So we started a new type of sleep training based off the book "The Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. The concept is great. It's a gradual way to wean the baby off having you put him to sleep. It's not a "cry-it-out" approach, but it also doesn't guarantee that the baby won't cry at all. Here's how it works: First you have to decide that you will no longer carry, rock, sing or whatever it is that your baby is reliant on to get to sleep. For the first three nights you sit your chair next to his bed. You don't pick them up and you don't converse with them. You are allowed to tell them "shhhh" or "night-night" or whatever thing you want to help soothe them, but don't carry on a conversation. You are allowed to touch them, pat them, stroke them or whatever you want to make them feel comforted as long as you don't do it so much that they become reliant on it. You are allowed to pick them up if they get frantic, but then you are supposed to put them back down as soon as they are ok and calm. And you stay there until they fall asleep.
After the first three days you move your chair halfway between the bed and the door. You do that for 3 days. Then you move your chair just inside the door for 3 days. After that you sit OUTSIDE the door, but leave the door open enough so that they can see and hear that you are still there. After three days of that you should be able to close the door. She recommends that you still sit outside the door and reassure them once in a while so that they don't get freaked out. You do this as long as it takes for them to be comfortable. The book also says that you can go out the door and then tell them you'll check on them in a few minutes and then DO check on them so that they know you are serious.
I was terrified to do this. I imagined that after reading his story I'd get out of bed and he'd freak out. Not so. Josiah has done wonderfully with this approach. At night when Luke is putting him to bed he has not cried at all. The first week he would still talk 45 min. to an hour to fall asleep, but still, no crying and no carrying. Naptime has been a different story though. The first day he was ok at first. He talked and rolled and did his own thing, but then he got to that over tired state and he wanted me to carry him. I told him no and laid him back down and sat in the chair. Begin baby freakout. He got so frantic that he wouldn't calm down so I picked him up and rocked him in the chair until he fell asleep. The second day was the same as the first. The third day I told him I he needed to go to sleep by himself and I'd sit there and watch him. Instant baby freakout. I rocked him until he was calm and then put him back in bed. He cried for about 5 minutes and then fell alseep.
This is where my anxiety began. Now it was time to move the chair. At night, no problem. Naptime = super baby freakout. I vowed not to pick him up at all and I'd have to just withstand the crying. The first day he was fine. No crying and fell asleep within an hour. The second day he freaked out at the very begining. All I could do was plug my ears until he was calm enough for me to talk to him and then I told him that I was going to stay right there until he fell asleep. He was mad at first, but then seemed to think all was ok and he'd talk to himself some more. Then he'd get tired again and start to freakout. Again I did not pick him up and I just let him cry until he was calm. I told him to go to sleep and I gave him a kiss and within a few minutes he was asleep. The third day was exactly like the second and I was about ready to give up. But it was time to move again.
Sitting inside the door: Nightime = no problems. First day for naptime he did great. He did not cry and was asleep within a half hour. Amazing!!! Second day was the same as the first I think this is working!!! Third day he cried right away and said "no, no, no, no!" I sat there until he was quiet enough for me to talk to him and then I told him he was ok and that he needed to lay down. I didn't tell him to go to sleep I just told him to lay down. He was asleep within 45 minutes. Still it wasn't that bad, I could tolerate it!
Sitting outside the door: Nightime, no crying, but it still took him an hour to fall asleep. Naptime did not work. Unfortunately I had company on the day that I was supposed to try something new. I layed him down and told him I'd be outside the door. He was fine, except that I had to keep telling him to lay down. He eventually did and didn't care that I was sitting there, so I closed the door and went downstairs to visit (not what I was supposed to do). He came out of his room. I put him back in bed and he cried. I sat there until he was calm and didn't notice me anymore and then I left again. He came out of his room again. I decided that it wasn't going to work and that if I kept leaving then he wouldn't trust me anymore and if I stayed there until he fell asleep than I was being rude to my guests. So I let him skip his nap. BIG MISTAKE!!! By bedtime he was so overtired and cranky. Luke couldn't even get him into bed to read a story. He kept asking for me to come rock him, so I did. But he didn't want to sleep, he kept asking for a song, but he didn't like any of the songs I was singing. He wasn't relaxing and he wasn't sleeping, but he was calm so I told him he was going to lay in bed and I was going to sit outside the room until he fell asleep. He screamed and screamed and screamed until he was so exhasted he fell asleep. (of course it was only about 5 or 10 min. of screaming)I could hear him still whimpering even though he was asleep. I knew that was a bad sign. When he screams himself to sleep he gets so wound up that he often wakes up soon afterwards. I was right, an hour later he was awake and screaming again. Luke ended up rocking him to sleep. We counted the second day as a total failure.
So today we considered the second day again. Naptime went great! I sat outside the door. He did not cry. He sat up a few times to make sure I was still there, but didn't fight me when I told him to lay down. He was asleep in less then a half hour and slept for an hour and a half. This was how I wanted it to be!!! Nightime was even better then naptime. He didn't cry (except for when he climbed out of bed and got scolded), he didn't sit up much and he was asleep in 15 minutes. Apparently the sleep training is working. I hope it keeps getting easier and easier. Tomorrow and the next 3 or 4 days will tell us how it's going to be.
All I can say is that I would recommend this method to everyone with a problem sleeper. Josiah was the worst at getting to sleep and he is definately improving in only a weeks time!!!
After the first three days you move your chair halfway between the bed and the door. You do that for 3 days. Then you move your chair just inside the door for 3 days. After that you sit OUTSIDE the door, but leave the door open enough so that they can see and hear that you are still there. After three days of that you should be able to close the door. She recommends that you still sit outside the door and reassure them once in a while so that they don't get freaked out. You do this as long as it takes for them to be comfortable. The book also says that you can go out the door and then tell them you'll check on them in a few minutes and then DO check on them so that they know you are serious.
I was terrified to do this. I imagined that after reading his story I'd get out of bed and he'd freak out. Not so. Josiah has done wonderfully with this approach. At night when Luke is putting him to bed he has not cried at all. The first week he would still talk 45 min. to an hour to fall asleep, but still, no crying and no carrying. Naptime has been a different story though. The first day he was ok at first. He talked and rolled and did his own thing, but then he got to that over tired state and he wanted me to carry him. I told him no and laid him back down and sat in the chair. Begin baby freakout. He got so frantic that he wouldn't calm down so I picked him up and rocked him in the chair until he fell asleep. The second day was the same as the first. The third day I told him I he needed to go to sleep by himself and I'd sit there and watch him. Instant baby freakout. I rocked him until he was calm and then put him back in bed. He cried for about 5 minutes and then fell alseep.
This is where my anxiety began. Now it was time to move the chair. At night, no problem. Naptime = super baby freakout. I vowed not to pick him up at all and I'd have to just withstand the crying. The first day he was fine. No crying and fell asleep within an hour. The second day he freaked out at the very begining. All I could do was plug my ears until he was calm enough for me to talk to him and then I told him that I was going to stay right there until he fell asleep. He was mad at first, but then seemed to think all was ok and he'd talk to himself some more. Then he'd get tired again and start to freakout. Again I did not pick him up and I just let him cry until he was calm. I told him to go to sleep and I gave him a kiss and within a few minutes he was asleep. The third day was exactly like the second and I was about ready to give up. But it was time to move again.
Sitting inside the door: Nightime = no problems. First day for naptime he did great. He did not cry and was asleep within a half hour. Amazing!!! Second day was the same as the first I think this is working!!! Third day he cried right away and said "no, no, no, no!" I sat there until he was quiet enough for me to talk to him and then I told him he was ok and that he needed to lay down. I didn't tell him to go to sleep I just told him to lay down. He was asleep within 45 minutes. Still it wasn't that bad, I could tolerate it!
Sitting outside the door: Nightime, no crying, but it still took him an hour to fall asleep. Naptime did not work. Unfortunately I had company on the day that I was supposed to try something new. I layed him down and told him I'd be outside the door. He was fine, except that I had to keep telling him to lay down. He eventually did and didn't care that I was sitting there, so I closed the door and went downstairs to visit (not what I was supposed to do). He came out of his room. I put him back in bed and he cried. I sat there until he was calm and didn't notice me anymore and then I left again. He came out of his room again. I decided that it wasn't going to work and that if I kept leaving then he wouldn't trust me anymore and if I stayed there until he fell asleep than I was being rude to my guests. So I let him skip his nap. BIG MISTAKE!!! By bedtime he was so overtired and cranky. Luke couldn't even get him into bed to read a story. He kept asking for me to come rock him, so I did. But he didn't want to sleep, he kept asking for a song, but he didn't like any of the songs I was singing. He wasn't relaxing and he wasn't sleeping, but he was calm so I told him he was going to lay in bed and I was going to sit outside the room until he fell asleep. He screamed and screamed and screamed until he was so exhasted he fell asleep. (of course it was only about 5 or 10 min. of screaming)I could hear him still whimpering even though he was asleep. I knew that was a bad sign. When he screams himself to sleep he gets so wound up that he often wakes up soon afterwards. I was right, an hour later he was awake and screaming again. Luke ended up rocking him to sleep. We counted the second day as a total failure.
So today we considered the second day again. Naptime went great! I sat outside the door. He did not cry. He sat up a few times to make sure I was still there, but didn't fight me when I told him to lay down. He was asleep in less then a half hour and slept for an hour and a half. This was how I wanted it to be!!! Nightime was even better then naptime. He didn't cry (except for when he climbed out of bed and got scolded), he didn't sit up much and he was asleep in 15 minutes. Apparently the sleep training is working. I hope it keeps getting easier and easier. Tomorrow and the next 3 or 4 days will tell us how it's going to be.
All I can say is that I would recommend this method to everyone with a problem sleeper. Josiah was the worst at getting to sleep and he is definately improving in only a weeks time!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment