It's a girl!!! maybe?

On Thursday I had my ultrasound. We were so excited about it. I had been looking forward to finding out the sex of the baby so that I could start decorating, making things, and buying things for the baby. I was really pleased with how things were going. The baby was healthy and the technician was explaining everything that was going on which was quite interesting. And then we got to the part where they were going to find out the sex of the baby. The technician gets down to where the parts should be and low and behold the legs are crossed as tightly together as a little baby can get it's legs crossed.

The technician jiggled and pushed on the baby, she tipped my upside down and made me get up and go to the bathroom. Still the most the baby would do is move it's legs underneath itself so that the feet were now in the way. The technician had someone else come in and give it a shot. She too jiggled me a whole bunch. The baby spread it's legs slightly and put it's hand in between them. Needless to say, they could not get clear shot of the parts. But both technicians think that it's a girl. They said that if there were a penis in there they think they would have seen it. However since they couldn't see anything they can't give me a for sure. So they said they give me an 80% that it's a girl.

I should be excited right? I had wanted a girl. I wanted one of each so that I could have the perfect little family. So why am I disappointed at the thought that its a girl instead of a boy? I was so hoping that it was a girl and my husband was scared that I'd be disappointed if we had a boy. So I began to think about what it would be like to have another boy. I thought about how I would decorate his room (Robots), I thought about how I could pull out all of Josiah's old clothes and how cute he'd look in them. I thought about how fun it would be to say "my boys," I thought about how much fun they would have being brothers. I basically got myself really excited to have a boy. I stopped thinking about having a girl and pretty much convinced myself that it was going to be a boy.

And now with the prospect that it's probably a girl I have no idea what to think. I'm going to have to start convincing myself again that I really want a girl and I need to remind myself why I wanted to have a girl in the first place.

I decided that I can't go the next 5 months without knowing for sure who's living inside me. So I scheduled an elective ultrasound on Monday to find out the sex of the baby. We'll see what turns up.